YZR!! Oh I know..yall thought I couldn’t write any more articles and was going to stick to that current events type stuff…goodness..Come on now…I know what started this blog and it was articles…I will never forget that…But I’m here today/tonight to talk about the perfect wifey…Yes..Something positive about the females…I know some of yall read my articles and be like “Damn, iGoon must not like the females” Never that..I got love for them…Just not all of them…but we’re here to talk about some qualities of the perfect wifey..Now remember that this is my list and not one for the typical male..I just have my own preferences so let’s get it…Some of these will be serious, and some will be funny…But read it and enjoy…
1. Great Sense of Humor-I don’t want to sit down and watch Family Guy, Office, 30 Rock (Just got into that show) or some other funny shit and not have you laugh…Sitting here all mean faced like someone hit you in the stomach…Come on now…I need to see you laugh at the same things I’m laughing at…And be able to understand the humor in such sitcoms and series that I watch…
2. Great Smile-Along with the sense of humor my wifey has to have a great smile..I brag about my smile because a) it’s great b) it can cheer up most people…Am I being vain? Yes…Confident too…I want my wifey’s smile to complement mine…Simple…
3. Knows How To Dance-There’s nothing worst/worse (Someone re-educate me on those uses please) then a female that can’t dance..Two left feet?!! Damn..I love to dance..Especially after some drinks..And if you can’t even grind on a brother the correct way then I might have to stop you from embarrassing yourself…Now I don’t want a wifey that’s looking to break my dick off though…Nope..don’t want that..Even a little two step works with me…I could rock with that..I’m not the best dancer (I just started getting nice at the Harlem Shake..I’m like 10 years late, and I'm learning how to jerk..pause) but I could represent when I have to...So shout outs to all ladies that can dance…
4. Shape-Simple..I have to like your shape..I have no preference(I kinda do) but supply me with some breasts and an ass…Don’t mean to be rude but I’ve never dated a fat chick..Nothing wrong with yall but just not for me..I’m a skinny dude, you might not even think I could handle you…So it works both ways..But yea..shape…Important..If I have to look at that everyday then make sure it’s great..I’ll keep my end of the bargain too…
5. Public-You ever take a girl out and she embarrasses you in public?!! Damn!! What a fucking lame! I don’t want to take you out and you don’t know how to interact with the waiter/waitress , no table manners…Like..I went to boarding school where we had sit down lunch and dinners..I expect everyone to come with heat in public..In private..whatever…But don’t embarrass me…
6. Family-Your family has to be a good looking bunch..If I meet your mother and she’s not looking too good and the beautiful genes kind of expired then we may have some problems..Let me take a look at the aunts too…I got some beautiful genes in my family and if we create some offspring I don’t want your genes fucking up my kids future…Ya dig? It’s wifey we’re talking about..Not just some skally-wag (did I just make up that word? Nope I didn’t…) But if your mom is a MILF (Mother I’d Like to Fuck) then we can make things work
7. Makeup-Okay..here is a preference that is not so strict but it kind of is…I don’t want my wifey wearing make up all the time…I’d rather her not wear any at all..Original, natural beauty is sexy…If you put on too much makeup then it sucks..And I know a lot of my female friends that do it and I want to say “Stop” but I also don’t want to get smacked so I keep it to myself..But stop wearing all that makeup…If I wake up in the morning and you still look sexy as shit then I could rock with you…
8. Sweatpants, Hair Tied-I want to see you in that attire and make sure you pass…simple…
9. Booty Shorts-WA WA WEEE WAHHH!!!!! My penis will stand at attention if you know how to work some booty shorts…Enough of that though…I don’t want to start getting all X-rated over here…There are kids around..
10. Sex-That’s a given…Goes both ways..I have to be able to lay it down too…And I’m not greedy with sex…You do me, I do you..Fair exchange like Tupac said…
11. Hair-Do what you gotta do with your hair..I have no preference with short or long but I do like long hair a lot (Long hair don’t even care) But I don’t think I’ve ever dated anyone with a weave so I’m gonna have to pass on that…I just don’t want to grab some portion of your hair and realize it’s fake..Which then leads to not having anything fake on you…Just keep it 100…simple…right? Right…
12. Educated-That doesn’t mean you have to graduate from college or whatever..But be an educated individual and not an ignorant one..Know what’s going on in this world, know a little bit of everything..Because if I mention something and you over here like “Ughhhhhhh” then I’m calling for the check right then and there…
13. Fair & Balanced-Let’s do things together, take turns, all that shit..If I paid for the meal last time, then you got this check, if I cooked last time, then you cook this time…if I watched Oprah with you then you might have to watch that sports game with me too…Just fair and balanced..I was gonna say “If I go down first, then next time you got it” hahaha..Well I did say it..Oh well…
14. Jealousy-Don’t be jealous..Don’t be mad because a girl texted me asking for directions, don’t get mad cause someone commented on my pic, don’t get mad because I RT’d someone on twitter…That’s childish…
15. Sports-It would be great if my wifey played sports so that she would watch them and play them at the same time…And maybe if you just like to run we could go out and run miles together…One thing I loved about my first girl was that she was an athlete…Competitive…I busted her ass in basketball but she came with heat all the time…I like that
16. Feet-I HATE FEET!!! I just hate them..But just make sure your own feet are nice…It just makes things better for me..thanks
17. Liquor-She has to be able to drink and I need to see the aftermaths of that drinking immediately…If she’s a bad drunk and wants to cry and all that shit then get away from me..If you get horny then let’s go…haha..But yeah, I like a girl that can drink here and there..Doesn’t have to be a drinker like me because I go in sometimes (151 holla at me)
18. Friends-Your friends can’t be haters…My friends can’t be haters…Our friends can’t be haters…I don’t want it to be awkward when I chill with your friends or vice versa..I would hate it for one of your friends to be my hater because I will call her out and embarrass her..simple…
19. BBM-If my wifey is a blackberry user then I hope she doesn’t get mad when I read her message and I don’t respond..If you’re confused right now here’s the scoop…BBM shows when the message has been delivered and read..It goes from a D to a R…which means that person knows you read it..I know you’ve experienced those times when you send a text, assume the person has read it and then send that angry text like “WTF” Now you don’t have to assume…Goodness…
20. Mole-Sometimes females have that sexy mole near their lip, on their face…like a beauty mark..This is not a must have but I mention it because it’s so sexy…
21.Toenails-Don't just cut your toenails on the bed...nope...I will be highly upset..hahaha...I'm not kidding..Go to the bathroom and do it in private...
22. Background Check-Sometimes you have to run your own background check on the potential which means you ask mutual friends about her...See what you can gather about the person..If there's too many negative shit like "Yo she's really good friends with the basketball team..and the football team...and the hockey team" then I can't do it because you've probably been used and abused...You may hear some moderate type stuff like "Yeah she was a freak during her freshmen year but now she good" I don't care..As long as it's not any outlandish shit...
23. Ease into The Family-You have those girls that just know how to work it in terms of being polite to the family..It makes it easier for me when dealing with Mama Goon who will definitely hate on every girl that steps across the threshold...Imagine a wifey that starts trouble with the mother?!! Prolly get stabbed right then and there..
Aite I’m gonna stop..How was it? Do you fit in with the perfect wifey status? To be honest I’ve met like only one girl that fits this rubric of mine and I failed miserably..She knows who she is..Any comments? Agree, disagree..any ones you really don’t like…Let me know..Thanks for reading!! I leave you with this wonderful song by Usher and Pharrell that I might be playing once a day until I meet her:
"Wifey:
21 comments:
Very entertaining, what inspired you to write this post???
worse is comparative and worst is superlative (my inner nerd compelled me to answer that question lol)...its always interesting to see what guys put on these kind of lists. i noticed alot of your traits were physical attributes though, and while physical attraction is important, everything else is what holds a relationship together (or tears it apart)
I have a mole near my lip....lol bt seriously Ricky...do we need to talk? jk jk
my dude said "lemme see those aunties too." you're thorough ric
ok...where to start...what mostly annoys me about people (guys) saying things like this (and a lot of guys do) is that they may say this all this is what they want, yet those girls that are cool and basically fit this mold to a T (not to be conceited, but I would consider myself one) are rarely wifed up, rarely in relationships and usually end up getting dogged on. I hate when people say, "oh youre gorgreous, you're so cool, you could obviously have any guy you want". It's uaully guys that say that, and that's what irks me. I like guys that don't like me back. There are guys that I would probably never have a chance with. Then there are the ones that, even when I am fulfilling most of these numbered requirements, still screw me over. So I guess what I'm trying to understand here is why there are cool girls like this (I think Modi can vouch for my status), that still get dogged OR just have no real, cool options to begin with (that's where I am). I dunno. I don't get it. Maybe I think too highly of myself, maybe I'm delusional. But why don't guys wife them up when they have the chance, instead of being incosiderate fools?
^hit me up ma, 347 653 8340
shit goes both ways too.. lotta yall girls go after the same dudes, usually dogs, overlooking or playing a lot of the good ones..
so the good ones become dogs.. cause that's what yall like. am I lying??? guys can only have so much patience
"somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul.. to a woman so heartless" - leave it to Kanye to preach the truth
when i read the family part i was like oh yea that's a good one....you gotta make sure that the girls from a good family. ahahah i was deceived. thats so horrible about ur genes expiring. but i expect nothing different from you prettayyy rickayyyy.
good read
We def cut from the same cloth, lol. I can copy and paste these as my wifey requirements. Let me know when you in the Boston area. Senior yr here I come.
This is my first time reading your blog and you said that you haven't been writing articles lately. Well... this was a great one. (BTW I love 30 Rock.) You should keep writing articles!
I sort of agree with the last one. For any relationship if you can't get with the family it's just not going to be easy. BUT! I wish a man could admit the faults of his family.
I know I once was cordial/friendly with this guy's family but we weren't best friends or anything and that was because they were rude and could be mean. But he would never admit that. Honestly if guys (and girls too) could admit that their family ain't perfect then we'd get along better!
yayy. kinda missed your articles.
anywhoo this is a good one.
lol a little reckless on the BBM and the "expiring genes" lmao, but other than that everything else doesn't seem like it's too much to ask for.
question is.. would you ever really actually get with one of these girls..
a couple comments up said that these "cool girls" men speak so highly of don't really ever get play.. i think its true.
ionoooo
but good post!
- soulstar (too lazy to sign in)
=]
You just described me lol...but that would be kind of awkward considering we're like family. Nice work ho trick!
And I'm surprised nothing about music is on this list since that's a big part of your life also.
nice work ricardo...but i agree with the comments above that your list describes alot of females because it focuses alot on the physical and not as much on the mental/emotional/ spiritual...like you forgot to say you need a girl with patience who doesnt wanna punch you in the face every time you get into one of your asshole moods...but on the whole i think that was pretty honest and entertaining. have a nice day kiddo.
GOTTA LOVE THE BOOTY SHORTS....
ricky ur too much! lol but i cant knock u man well argued points...lol
I'm gonna try and respond to what needed responding to...ya dig?
JamandKizz-Really no inspiration, I just randomly think things and this topic happened to be one of them..usually how the articles go (or I may secretly want a wifey)
Jahna T-Thanks for clearing that up for me..Physical is really important..I say as important as the emotional, I definitely bypassed them but I respect them too...
Ashely-I'm not kidding...I've seen your mole and it's sexy..goodness..
Awbullock-I feel like I'm in the same spot as you..trust me..I've been played so many times dealing with your situation, last one just this summer, first time a couple summers back...I say just keep on grinding and do you...
Thiz-Come on!!
Anon-I agree with your rebuttal too...Every time I got played by a potential wifey they would go chill with the worst dudes and it hurts...So I would be a dog, play that game until that passion died down...SMH
Caroline-Genes are so important..I want to be 50 and still having sex..real talk..
Darnell-When Im up there you got me...
SoulStar-Ask one of your cool friends about that...She'll tell you the deal..haha..proof right there...
Dominique-Damn..you're right about that music shit..That's more of the fair and balanced..I can't be hogging iTunes..haha
Jangalang-I hope everyone knows that me and this woman had a roller coaster friendship...Fighting, arguing, and it's all her fault..haha...But I tell everyone that I'm the nicest asshole you'll meet..And I was only moody with yall..No one else saw that side of me...
Anon-Booty shorts for the win!!!
Fatou- "Ricky you're too much" That's what she said
chea mane
this was good... so much more could have been said.. but then again.. the goon always says a lot, so it could have been a sensory/memory overload if you woulda added too many more.. lol
- Harlem'z Ace
(or I may secretly want a wifey)...ur lovely
i thoroughly enjoyed your article. You have a lot of requirements Mr. Antoine...I dunnoe where you'll find this girl.
first time going to your site, got the link from dctobc...
after reading this, you are not asking for much. as a female, i can honestly say, that females are a trip.
your list was real, and appreciated.
Also linked from dctobc tweet. And I gotta say you are Brutally honest. Focusing more on physical makes me think you'll overlook personality defects for hotness. Great taste in tv shows. Stick with 30 Rock it's great. It's not fair to discount someone cuz of thier mom.
Post a Comment